When i was a little girl, i would play with my dolls. I’d dress them and bathe them, coddle them, hug and kiss them. I couldnt wait to have my own little one to have and to hold. I would imagine how lovely it would be. How perfect my child would be. Clean and quiet. Cheerful and never crying. Pleasant and kind with manners of Gold. And…
Fast forward to my twenties, when i had a full time job, a tribe of friends and a life i loved…..still no child, but that childhood dream popped into my head constantly…oh sh*t!! My Biological clock is ticking.better get to work. Well…no dice! Hubby was just back to work after months of being laid off, the time wasnt right to add a sweet bundle of joy into our lives just yet.
Late twenties….now im getting pissed! Im 29. Thinking id have a house on the hill with a few kiddlets in the yard, a lassie type dog and a husband i adore with the perfect life and not a problem in the world…well? Where the hell is my dream? What happend to it?
Instead i have a husband whos hottness has gone south, because budwieser is making him fat and lazy and live in the opposite of my dream home…more like a frigidaire box made out of bricks! Dont get me wrong, i loved my life, it just needed a little tweaking. AND..my Biological clock was in fult tilt boogie mode. I wanted a child and i was now thinking like a maniac. I needed to get knocked up and like NOW!!!
Age 31….im awesome! Have a great job, making good money, medical insurance, i feel like i have it all…i decide to join Weight Watchers. Get my healh and fitness on…doing great. months into my Weight Watchers crusade. I feel a little off. Kinda funky. Moody and snapping at anyone who looked my way. Considering i was a manager at a local JoAnn fabrics probably wasnt good. Especially since i was always weilding knife blade sharp scissors while holding position at the cutting counter.
I didnt pay attention to the signs…told myself i was gonna bleed soon and figured my psycho~ness was lack of food, coffee and pms. I needed chocolate, i craved crap food and drooled like a zoo animal when i drove down “fast food alley” (no lie, in my town there is this one main drag that has McDonalds,Wendys,Burger King,Dunkin Donuts,Popeyes Chicken,Pizza Hut and a Subway all in a zig zag row. its like the Las Vegas strip up in this b*tch). anyway….
Day in and day out for 3 weeks i was a starving, emotional, moody lunatic. Then a light bulb!!! Oh Sh*t…could i be pregnant??? Nah…i was still losing weight but slowed down because i hit a “platue”. Yeah…sure Heidi,keep thinking that. Well, i decided to gt a pregnacy test. It was Positive…you’d have thought the earth stopped. No way?!! I went and bought 7 more..you know, just to make sure. All of them positive… Omg. Im gonna get fat. no lie that was the first thing i thought. Then i cried. I got scared.i panicked and didnt want to be pregnant right now. Maybe tomorrow, but not today. I wasnt ready after all that time waiting. Is anybody REALLY ready? Is that. “right time” thinking BS…yes folks it is. You wait for the rigt time and it wont happen. When things ARE going right. Thats when it will jump out and be all “HaHa…Gotcha!
My pregnancy was great. Once i was sure i wasnt harboring a tape worm and came to terms that i TRULY was goig to bring a human being into the world. I gained 60 lbs while pregnant. Probably because the Dr. Was convinced for the first few months i was having twins and wasnt, but still ate like a cow and figured, well….beter safe than sorry 😉. Labore was fine, until the back labor started and i was tethered to a machine instead of able to walk or park my ass on the exercise ball like they promised. BOO.
And then, in a whirlwind of bliss and cherubs and chime filled harp music, my son was born….or so my childhood dream thought it would be like that…WRONG~O.
Skip ahead to the present. My caring, well mannered, perfect saint of a small human is really a mouthy,emotional, temper tantrum having, poo slinging, potty mouthed crab apple!! What happend? All the stories are always about pristine,perfect, well spoken and perfectly adjusted kids. This was not what i signed up for..hey do i get a refund?. Nah, i wouldnt trade him for the world. My maniac is my life and i love him with all my heart and soul. But this motherhood thing just plain sucks ass at times. Im not gonna sugar coat it. Its hard work, you lose sleep, you lack adult interaction and daily want to punch Dora in the face…or maybe its just me who cant stand Dora. And where are max and rubys’ parents? Huh..can somebody please answer this for me?
So in the end, my dream came true
not how i dreamed it, but how it was meant to be. And if my son wasnt a gargoyle at times he wouldnt be the “perfect” little man i fell in love with..a nightmare at times yes, but still my dream come true.
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